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I agree with everyone’s posts. All were so eloquent. I will add Sara Eckel’s advice on this (at least I think it was from her) that it’s normal to feel sad and lonely after a breakup and you should feel Shame about that. Also, focus on the positives you experienced from the relationship and how that relationship has helped you grow and mature.
How about volunteering? It costs should only your time and is a great way to both spend your free time meaningfully while helping someone who needs it. You can look into getting involved with an animal shelter or your church or a local food pantry or food kitchen.
And I agree with @marioosa about cooking and not denying yourself a “good” meal just because it’s for one.
I think that is different for everyone. I consider someone not single when they are dating someone else. I have a friend who considers someone single up until the point they are engaged. Perhaps the most common definition is when people commit to being exclusive to each other. Sounds like that’s the stage your relationship is in. What do you think is stopping you from letting your guard down? Is your partner giving mixed signals? Are your feelings mixed for him even though your exclusive?
Lots of great advice on this thread! I’m very late to the conversation but I think your approach was perfect. I tend to be a firm believer in that if a guy is ACTING like he’s not interested it’s because he’s genuinely not interested. If a guy wants to see and be with me, he’ll make the effort to make that happen. But your example proved that wrong. I may need to be more forgiving on my belief! I do think texting has changed the way we date; it’s certainly been an adjustment for me.
I think you directly asking him out was great and can’t wait to hear how it went!
I have been on Meetup and have made a few good friends from there that I see outside of Meetup regularly. I think your approach is a good one – pick one or two groups and then from within those try to build just one or two friendships from the people you feel you have most in common with or seem to connect to. Let us know how it works out!
Great article, Mariposa!
Here’s another one: Ask Polly: I’m Pretending I’m Happy Sinugle, But I’m Not!
This article covers a lot of what’s been talked about here: Single All The Way
Wishing everyone the happiest of holidays and new year! I hope everyone remembers their accomplishments and gets through any bad feelings that might be bubbling up with some ease. When I first read Sara’s NYT article, I remember feeling so relieved that someone else knew how I was feeling. Then came a whole book about it, and now this community. Thanks to everyone for sharing your experiences and thoughts. It’s helping me end the year knowing that long-time singledom isn’t as rare or negative as it can seem and feel.
Here’s the article Lisa Bonos wrote: How to Survive the Holidays Whilw Single or Divirced.
You need a (free) account to read it.
Great video, CameraObscuraFan.
I totally agree that “weekends” don’t necessarily have to be on Friday/Saturday. I find that I am often socially busiest during the week and enjoy a quiet weekend. Lazy Sundays are my favorite. :). I think the “you have to put yourself out there” might have been one of the reasons in Sara’s book. There are plenty of people who met at bars…but also a million other ways.
I also always dread relationship conversations that bubble up this time of year, and I like your approach, Courtney. I try to answer briefly and refocus the conversation on what is a more interesting conversation. New Year’s Eve has always been the hardest for me so this year I am traveling with a friend to Puerto Rico for the new year. As joyful as the holidays are it can also be difficult to be surrounded by married friends/children so I’m not going to feel obligated to say yes to every invitation if I need time to decompress – something that has come up in other threads.
Great topic @losthope and great analogy @courtney550. Alienating myself from friends/family because of their relationships/family status and feelings of jealousy/wanting has been a recent struggle for me just in this past year. Can’t say I have figure it out other than isolating myself usually makes me feel worse so I know it’s not healthy. I also go back to Sara’s book about how these experiences are sad and it’s normal to feel sad in circumstances the party bus. I try not to judge myself for feeling bad but also try to not to let those feelings overwhelm me for more than a a day or two. When I’m dreading something because of those uncomfortable feelings but do it anyway, I always leave feeling happy to have spent time with friends/family.
So, I force myself to push past those negative feelings but balance it with turning down invitations when I’m simply not up for being the only single or childless person in the room. I like your point, @courtney550 about ending up boyfriendless and friendless. I think it’s very true.
Great topic mariposa!
I long for a partner at parties as well, but it’s usually at the end of the night when it seems everyone is leaving to go home with – or to – their partner and I know I have no one waiting for me at home. There’s always a small sting for me there.
This also pops up for me a lot during the holidays.
