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What other works, besides “It’s not you” have you found helpful as a “single person of a certain age”?
Here are some of mine:
http://www.conniewonnie.com/ – I enjoy her comics, some are about the single life and some aren’t.
thesinglewoman.net – I follow her on twitter and really like her positive messages. Haven’t read any of her books.
How to choose your life partner (contains some profanity)
Accepting the single status when everyone else is a couple This one really resonated with me.
QuirkyAlone by Sasha Cagen. It’s basically about being a person who prefers to be single rather than settle. Sasha and Sara did a podcast together but I can’t seem to find a link to it.
I wholeheartedly recommend Melanie Notkin’s book “Otherhood.” It’s a terrifically well written book about single women who would like to be married and have children but haven’t met the right person. I would like to be a mother, but being inseminated by a sperm donor does not feel right to me. I would like to know who the father of my child is, and I would not want to raise a baby alone. The book is about Notkin’s experience with this, and stories of other single women and the different paths their lives have taken.
Great recommendation beachbum! I have been wanting to read Melanie’s book for awhile now.
Another book that resonated with me as a long-time single is called Never Have I Ever: My Life (So Far) Without a Date by Katie Heaney.
Katie uses an analogy in the book that I still remember about how some people in the world are like lighthouses – shinning light that people are drawn too while other people are like the Bermuda Triangle. Here’s what she said about Bermuda Triangle people:
The Bermuda Triangle is so far from sailors’ minds that it isn’t even really on the map. They’d rather not even think about it. Even if a few of them knew, theoretically, that the Bermuda Triangle was out there, they wouldn’t be able to find it if they wanted to. They would become lost, possibly forever. For the most part, though, they don’t want to try. The Bermuda Triangle is scary and confusing. Sailors hear bad things about it. They’d rather just go around it, staying as far away as humanly possible.
I know that sounds like an exaggeration. And sure, to some extent, it probably is. For instance, there isn’t anything about me that is analogous to the Bermuda Triangle’s “rogue wave” phenomenon (at least I hope there isn’t). I don’t capsize sailors, much less entire ships. I keep myself to myself, you know? In fact, I think that’s probably what the Bermuda Triangle is up to. It doesn’t mean to do any harm, and it’s actually pretty nice once you get to know it. It’s just that Bermuda doesn’t know how to handle itself when somebody sails into its territory, because that hardly ever happens. It hasn’t had much chance to practice, and it’s used to things going a certain way. So if a sailor DOES come around, it gets a little nervous, freaks the fuck out, and creates hurricane-like devastation in every direction around it. And then it gets embarrassed and sad and calls its friends.
Here’s a good article on it if you don’t want to read the book: I’ve Been Single For My Entire Life
All these suggestions are great! Here is the link to Sara and Sasha’s podcast that mamey2422 mentioned. THe topic (Single Shame) is something I really connect with and it’s a good reminder that sometimes we are our own harshest critics.
Saw this on Facebook today. It’s short and sweet but I liked it:
Why You Should Stop Telling Me to Find Someone:
http://m.huffpost.com/ca/entry/7905818Hi there, I’ve been reading the various posts and can really relate to all of it. Actually, I started writing about it recently if anyone is interested – I would not say I am one of the “great writers,” but at one point decided I wanted to share my story. I also want to hear others stories and hope we, as singles, become more valued in society. I really notice a big shift in how I feel about being single since I got into my 40’s. There is a lot to grieve – the likelihood of not having children, the realization that this is my reality right now – but within this I’ve gained new perspectives as well…such as the way I experience life versus had I not been on my own. Sometimes this can be fantastic! Of course, other times it can get lonely…this is what led me to create my site – I want to meet others living a similar lifestyle. In case anyone is interested (I have a very small following since I am just becoming public about my secret lifestyle of being single :)), the site is at http://www.soulspacestories.com
Hope to keep having the conversation!
Love this list. Thought I’d share a few more books I love. Not all exclusively about being single but … well just good.
All The Single Ladies By Rebecca Traister
Labor of Love by Moira Weigel
Selfish, Shallow and Self-Absorbed by Meghan Daum
How to Be a Person in the World by Heather HavrileskyOh and Unrequited by Lisa Phillips!
More keep popping in my head:
The Science of Single by Rachel MachachekMotherhood Rescheduled by Sarah Elizabeth Richards
okay, time for bed!
I really liked “Rewire Your Brain for Love” by Marsha Lucas. While not specific to being ok with being single, it’s about rewiring your brain, through mindfulness, towards acceptance. Ultimately, this can improve any/all relationships, and it starts at the level of your relationship with your self…brain exercise. Plus, it appeals to the neuro-geek in me :-)
Tiny Beautiful Things: Advice on Love and Life from Dear Sugar This isn’t really a book targeted at singles per se, but it is brimming with kindness, warmth, and wisdom, so it’s definitely worth a read.
Another book I enjoyed was Confessions Of A Latter-Day Virgin by Nicole Hardy, which talks about her experience of being single in the Mormon church.
Also, I really love this super honest and touching article from Flame writer Briony Smith – Why Being Single Sucks: What No One Wants to Talk About
I’m loving all these suggestions…keep them coming!
I was reminded today about Tara Henley’s documentary ’39’, which was inspired by her experience as a single woman without children approaching her 40th birthday. It’s thought-provoking and worth a listen if you’re struggling with this and want to feel less alone.
Just remembered another great book y’all might like Rocking The Life Unexpected by Jody Day.
This essay by Aimee Lutkin is fantastic:
http://jezebel.com/when-can-i-say-ill-be-alone-forever-1790274012
And here’s a link to a podcast with Sara and Aimee from yesterday… also really great!
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