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Hi,
I can so much relate to you! I am also nearly the only single around my friends and colleagues and my last serious relationship ended 8 years ago (I just turned 40). I also find it very difficult to meet somebody although I go to a lot of activities and are also pretty. The guys I find interesting are taken or do not want a relationship with me and the others… I do not find interesting (maybe THAT is my problem). What I find super-frustrating is when people ask me why a woman like me is still single which makes me really think that something must be wrong with me, something serious which is not obvious at first sight…
So what helps me sometimes is to think that I want somebody to connect with and not just somebody not to be lonely. And until I meet a person like this I prefer to stay single. I also know some really unhappy relationships or hear how people are talking about their partners and then I ask myself if I chose this over being alone and say…. NO! So maybe it’s just that we are more honest?
What does not help is to think that soon I will have to give up my wish to have a child as I will be too old. Is anyone of you dealing with this, too?
What helps for me if I find myself being to hard to myself is trying to take a view from the outside, like a loving friend would do or I would do with a friend. Like when I feel weak because I am suffering from being alone, I try to tell myself that it is normal to feel like this because I am a human being. Or when I am not feeling well for one day, that it is absolutely normal to have bad days as well and that I do not need to pretend that I am feeling good. Sara describes this in her book and up to now it helped very much for me.
Accepting that I am not perfect and that little flaws make a person human and lovable.Hello Courtney,
I am sorry for your experiences. Although I have made mixed experiences, I can understand you very well. What (most of the times) works for me is telling me
a) that it IS a lot of luck to meet another person that is as much interested in you as you are in that person, is available and wants the same in life as you and
b) that even if I knew what the other person does not like that much about me – would I like to change? In my last relationship my boyfriend after the falling-in-love phase told me quite explicitly what he did not like in my behaviour and what I should change. This relationship exhausted me like nothing else, even physically. So looking back now, I prefer NOT to have a relationship than having one like this again. If the person loves and appreciates you, he will not care for little things that bother him.
Sometimes it also works telling you one of these things like “You can do nothing right with the wrong person but you can’t do anything wrong with the right person”.Yes mariposa, I think that is the important thing: the emotional aspect. Of course I want the other person to touch me, too and that there is some kind of connection…
It feels good to know that you all understand what I mean and that I am not the only one who misses it.Hello everyone, I discovered this community after reading Sara’s book which was very helpful to me, as is this community. I do not live in the US and I am not a native English speaker, so please ignore my errors :-)
I can see myself in many of the posts here, I am 38 turning 39 soon and single for some time now. Last year I had a big crisis after ending a relationship which did not work at all. I wanted it to work so much as to me it seemed like my last chance of having a family. All of my friends have kids and most of them a partner, too and I feel like they cannot really understand how it is to feel lonely and trying to accept that your chance of having a child is getting less and less…
Fortunately, I can spend christmas still with my family; I live only few hours away from them. As for New Year’s Eve, yes, that is also one of the hardest days of the year for me. In addition, the cold and dark of winter depresses me and so what I try to do is to spend my long vacation during this time and go to warm and sunny places. I love backpacking in South America, so this year right after christmas I will get my backpack and go to the Carribean. Many backpackers also travel alone so I do not feel that lonely, the warmth and sun help me to feel better and New Year’s Eve loses kind of its importance as it is just another day of vacation.
