[Soul]

The problem I notice is that we become pretty good at enjoying our own company and being independent…lots of practice. The problem starts when I meet other men to date and most have not had this unique experience of getting to know themselves. Most are more interested in meeting a woman who can fill the need of not being alone. As much as I want to be open to someone, I also want to meet someone who will enhance my life, not just fill a gap. I’ve done pretty good for myself and I want to feel proud of that, so settling for whoever because they happen to be single becomes much less appealing. At the same time, I really agree with all your comments and sharing your life with someone can be so much better and I really really miss it! I love my time on my own, but I know it could be better.

In terms of being forever alone, I now think of my reality as what it is in the current moment. The future is now and the reality is I am still alone. I don’t like it, I do appreciate what I’ve gained through the experience, but it is still my reality and that is all I know.

[Soul]

I can relate to that idea of going to a therapist and them not quite getting it as well. I tried going and really only wanted to be heard and justified (or simply reminded that nothing was actually wrong with me). I spent a long time searching and then became a therapist myself. Since I am unable to know every person’s story from personal experience, I do not share my experiences with clients (as I cannot profess I completely understand their own experience). However, my being single and never having married allows me to be a much more emphatic and hopefully understanding therapist. Being single for a long time offers it’s own challenges and ultimately forces us into learning a whole lot more than if we had another person sharing in it.
I do offer online therapy as well in case this is helpful Lurline93.

[Soul]

Thanks for the post talimeirav…I can completely relate. On-line dating never felt right to me although I was fine that others liked it. However, after years of continuing to be single, I started feeling like my way was not going to work either, so I gave it an honest shot. I figured even if I could not find the right guy, I might find a nice enough guy to date for a bit and feel like I was back in the world. Well, it was very much as you described…I think I could be a star in the movie “50 first dates,” just seemed I could never make it past the first one. Some were nice while others were not as they profiled themselves and others were rude, but even a small spark never seemed to be there. I think it has more to do with that feeling you get when you are getting to know someone who is not an instant date – you are simply seeing the person and enjoying them versus having the pressure of changing your status with the person and investigating them (and they you) to a full degree before a first meeting. It was all very exhausting and often so disappointing.
Mostly, I could relate to you commenting about your mother. It feels like I have permanently disappointed mine by not trying hard enough and she will always mention it when someone else she was talking to knows a person who met their forever partner online. She has no idea I even tried the online thing, I figure it is my business, but it gets awfully tiring to hear advice from everyone I know who are not single for how I “fix” my life.

[Soul]

Hi there, I’ve been reading the various posts and can really relate to all of it. Actually, I started writing about it recently if anyone is interested – I would not say I am one of the “great writers,” but at one point decided I wanted to share my story. I also want to hear others stories and hope we, as singles, become more valued in society. I really notice a big shift in how I feel about being single since I got into my 40’s. There is a lot to grieve – the likelihood of not having children, the realization that this is my reality right now – but within this I’ve gained new perspectives as well…such as the way I experience life versus had I not been on my own. Sometimes this can be fantastic! Of course, other times it can get lonely…this is what led me to create my site – I want to meet others living a similar lifestyle. In case anyone is interested (I have a very small following since I am just becoming public about my secret lifestyle of being single :)), the site is at http://www.soulspacestories.com

Hope to keep having the conversation!

[Author]

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