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Thank you ladies, for sharing your thoughts!
At this point, I just try and keep in mind that the people who want to and are meant to be in my life will.I’m also part of a minority group, so online dating has been tough for that reason too. But otherwise, life is going well. I need to just be a bit more content.
Angel88, I can definitely relate to how you feel about dating. If a guy doesn’t text me back, which happens 99% of the time, I don’t even feel sad anymore. I’d love to experience being in a romantic relationship where the attraction is mutual, but it’s never happened yet and I’m almost 24. Part of me feels like I missed the opportunity.
I don’t believe in the law of attraction. It just sounds like another one of those outrageous myths we’re taught to believe that can cause many people harm. There are aspects of life that are and are not in our control. I don’t think finding a compatible partner is one of those things people necessarily plan. Life isn’t methodical in all circumstances.
As on only child, this discussion is really eye-opening. I definitely don’t feel external pressure to be married and have children from family, but I’d definitely want to have a companion and family of my own in the future if it’s meant to be. Once I was talking to my mother about her dating history and she shared that my father was literally her first long-term partner (they met when she was 27). Otherwise, she was single for most of her teens and twenties. So I wonder if my perpetual singlehood is partially inherited.
For me, it’s seeing couple photos, engagement and wedding announcements, and babies on social media that make me feel like an outcast in the relationship realm. I don’t communicate with these people regularly in real life, but to see them reach these milestones while I stay single is discomforting. I do remember that once I told my mother how I didn’t like being single, she was upset and acted like it was the last concern I should have. I can only imagine how it feels to have younger close relatives find love before yourself when you want a romantic relationship.
Thanks for the feedback mariposa and eldogg!
My life hasn’t always been easy of course, but one thing I have worked on is my social skills over the past few years with the help of a mentor.
Mariposa you mentioned that Sara helped you with negative thinking. I think that’s my biggest problem. I’m confident in most other areas of my life except for dating due to my experiences. So I think a blend of coaching and therapy would be best.
As for hangups, my parents have had a pretty bad marriage for all of my life, yet they still stayed together.
I don’t think being in a relationship would make me happier or make my problems disappear since life has its ups and downs for all of us. I don’t think I’ll have “made it” either when I have a significant other; it’s just a life experience like any other. I just want to develop a sense of optimism that I’ll meet someone compatible and who we can share mutual interest since that has not happened at all yet. It’s so simple yet so complicated at times.Thank you for your feedback. I’m going to consider doing some coaching with Sara.
I had written a dating advice columnist on this topic a few weeks back and like you two mentioned, her first response was “Something’s wrong with you.” Luckily I had read Sara Eckel’s book so I just rolled my eyes at her statement. Before I would’ve been really upset about it.
Hopefully our unique experiences with dating and relationships gets reflected in cultural discourse someday. I know people who get into relationships almost at the drop of a hat, but I know many who take years to find the right person. This needs to be talked about more often.
I think honesty is the best policy as everyone else has said. The right person will still find you appealing as a potential partner. The wrong people will question you rather than consider that no one’s life is alike.
Hi!
I read Sara’s book this spring and it was the first piece of advice to not make me seem like my perpetually single state was my problem alone. The point I related to was “You Need More Practice”. I’m young (23), but I have never had a relationship. Part of the reason was my parents not allowing me to date when a teenager. But as I’ve gotten older, I just have yet to experience mutual attraction with another person. I do worry that if I do get into a relationship, it’ll be a steep learning curve since I have no past experience besides first dates that never led to second ones and a monthlong fling. I have no problem making friends but it’s just dating that has been very hard for me, so I’ve somewhat given up. It’s gotten to the point where my heart races when people ask about my dating life. It’s never existed and I’m not too optimistic about the future since I have no past with it.
But I’m so glad that you all here on the forum can relate. We hear so much about people dating regularly in society with long-term partners rather than our experiences. It’s nice to know that I’m not alone.
