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I really liked “Rewire Your Brain for Love” by Marsha Lucas. While not specific to being ok with being single, it’s about rewiring your brain, through mindfulness, towards acceptance. Ultimately, this can improve any/all relationships, and it starts at the level of your relationship with your self…brain exercise. Plus, it appeals to the neuro-geek in me :-)
I saw this Youtube link in a guy’s online profile, and it was good (a TedEx talk titled “no more bad first dates” on YouTube: https://youtu.be/T704le1D1ag). It was entertaining and his 2/2/2 rule makes sense. I got a bit down because it perpetuates the reality (maybe from a year ago) that women’s inboxes get filled. Lately, the only emails I seem to get appear fraudulent (a guy, stationed overseas trying to figure out where in the states he wants to return to…based on who he meets online??? really?). I wished there was more info on how women could successfully use online dating (versus just understanding and being patient with men).
If you’re interested, here’s another entertaining You Tube TEDEx talk on online dating: https://youtu.be/mRWPqwyukGY (note the stereotypes apply to men too, when I listed my job as “HR” I got few responses, but when I listed my job as “manager” I got far more)
Lurline93, I am coming in late to the conversation, and I agree with what’s been said. Having been involved in both coaching and therapy (as a recipient of coaching, not a coach, and as both a therapist and therapy recipient) it is very true that they are different. What I find in therapy is that the discussion can become about larger issues, that may not be as appropriate if you’re generally happy, well adjusted, and simply want to tweak how you relate to others via dating. It also may not be covered under health insurance if you do not have a diagnosable condition (and a therapist should not diagnose you simply for billing purposes). Dating and relationship coaches know about dating, interactions, and where people commonly go wrong. I have learned things from coaching that weren’t made clear in therapy, and the information was more easily applicable (if that makes sense!).
Your family of origin sounds like mine…parents stayed together despite being in a very contentious relationship. This really effected the lens in which I relate to men in relationships. Therapy can really help with some of those more complex topics, but if that’s not what you want to spend your time and energy exploring, factor that into your decision making!
I agree with mamey and savvygirl regarding Meetup. I am active in a few meetup groups locally, but I rarely go to the “singles” or “dating” groups. I tried them, but prefer meeting people who share my interests. Volunteering groups (some areas have some specific to age groups, like young professionals) can also be good, if you enjoy volunteering. I have tried It’s Just Lunch (if you don’t mind a very expensive lunch AND not having much say in who you date) and Tawkify (at the time they said they had no matches…I am in the DC metro area..really???). The match.com live events can be good, and at least you get an identified age range (one of the guys I met at one shared that he is not a member of match but just goes to the live events…). I’ve been to the speed dating events, and as another poster said, you’re going to get a wide range (the one I went to had folks from mid 20s to mid 60s). I am a bit of an introvert so I found my mouth very dry and my head spinning by the end of the 90 minutes!!! The one I went to, you went to a website afterward and indicated your interest, so that took some of the pressure off wondering if there was mutual interest. Funny thing, I ended up meeting someone at the bar, waiting for the event to start (they were not there for the event, just the most chatty person in my vicinity). Just goes to show you…
