“I am 30 years old, and I’ve spent every holiday as
 a single person. Being single is difficult anytime, but it feels worse 
during the holidays. All of my friends are married with children, so it’s 
difficult to socialize with them in general, because people usually spend
 more time with their partners and children. It gets worse during the
 holidays, because holidays are about family. I also don’t have a family,
 so I’m alone. I always get invited to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas
 with my friends and their families. I did that once, and I didn’t want to
 do it again, because you see people with their families and then go home alone.
 It’s almost like it enhances the fact that I’m single. Once New Year’s is over, I feel
 much better and look forward to having a productive year.” — Tiffany

Dear Tiffany,

If American culture tends to make single people feel bad, Christmas is America on steroids. (more…)

Dating during the holidays can be tricky. How long should you date before you exchange gifts? When is the appropriate time to invite a new boyfriend or girlfriend to your family’s house or as your date to the office holiday party? I’d like to hear from people who have started new relationship during or just before the holidays. How did you manage these questions? How did it go? Did you freak the other person out by inviting them to your parents too soon? Or insult them by not bringing the home, to the office party, etc.? What did you learn from the experience? Please get in touch if you have any thoughts.

The questions arise when you’re passing the potatoes or putting out the nut cups. Are you seeing anyone special? Playing the field? When are you going to settle down?

Singles are often grilled about their personal lives in a way their married relations rarely are. When was the last time your sister and brother-in-law were asked to defend their “married lifestyle” to a table of twelve?
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Dear Sara: One thing I really miss about being in a relationship is the immediate and intense community it has always brought me. When I’m part of a couple, I am constantly invited to dine with other couples, double date, hang out and get to know my partner’s friends. When I’m single, I get about 50% fewer invites. 

There seem to be so many couples-only dinners, events and nights out, and I really don’t have any single girlfriends left. Even if they’re not married, they’re engaged or in a serious thing. And while they can certainly sneak away from time to time for a girl’s night, I’m left out of a substantial majority of activities simply because of my singleness. (more…)

I’m writing a short article for Cosmo for Latinas about how to make friends. And I’m seeking young woman who can tell me how they successfully befriended women they met in the following places: 1) Work, especially someone who works in your building but in a different department 2) Salsa class 3) Community service project 4) Cafe: You’re both there with your laptops. How did you make the first move? 5) Hair or nail salon 6) Online: You have mutual friends on FB, you always comment on each other’s Instagram pics or Twitter shout-outs. How did you connect in real life? 7) Gym or yoga class.

You can contact me though my contact page or write to saraeckel@gmail.com. Please pass along to anyone you think might be interested!

I have a new piece on BBC Capital Today about the sharing economy. Here’s how it starts:

A few years ago, a large event in Saskatoon usually meant more business for the Chaplin Country Bed and Breakfast in Saskatchewan, Canada. “I’m about 10 minutes out of the city, so when the city hotels and bed and breakfasts fill up, I would often get their overflow,” said owner Kathy Chaplin.

But those days are over. As the popularity of home-sharing website Airbnb has grown — a recent search found 48 listings in Saskatoon, ranging from $184 for an entire three-bedroom home to $41 to rent a couch in the owner’s living room (bring a sleeping bag and pillow) — Chaplin’s business has slowed down. She has seen her business drop by 30% in the last two years.

To read more click here.

Late last month, a panel of Fox News commentators discussed the coming elections when host Kimberly Guilfoyle explained why she didn’t think young single women should vote:

It’s the same reason why young women on juries are not a good idea. They don’t get it. They’re not in that same life experience of paying the bills, doing the mortgage, kids, community, crime, education, health care. They’re healthy and hot and running around without a care in the world,” she said on The Five.

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Dear Sara: I am single and have a few single friends, but most of my friends are couples. And one of these couples is very tight—they met a few years ago and have been in constant bliss ever since. I am incredibly happy for them, but I also find myself increasingly envious, to the point where I find myself not wanting to be around them and actually hoping that they’ll have problems! (They report that they never do.) This is so not me. I know it happens because I long for what they have, but how can I stop being such a catty, hateful person when they share their happiness? – C.A.

Dear C.A.: Envy is one of the toughest emotions to deal with because it packs a two-fold punch. First, there is the envy itself, that terrible feeling of loneliness and deprivation you get when your friend’s guy impulsively kisses her hair or laces his fingers through hers.
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Dear Sara: I just emerged from a two-month relationship that ended very unkindly. The guy suddenly went missing in action for days, appeared later with some very dodgy-sounding excuses, and then proceeded to break up with me via e-mail, after insinuating that my behavior prompted such a reaction from him.

All too often, married and coupled-up friends have told me when you are with the right person, you will KNOW. I thought I did with this guy (and I have dated a ton—I’m 31). But clearly I didn’t. It was only a two-month relationship, but it started off superbly—daily contact from him, he introduced me to his friends, he asked me for my views on marriage/kids, was there at the airport when I returned from a two-week trip overseas. Then, just as suddenly, it went downhill and he told me he wasn’t sure if he was “ready” for a relationship and needed “time to think.”
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In It’s Not You, I talk a lot about how meditation and Buddhism helped me manage the stress of being single in a society centered around couples and families. My Buddhist studies have continued to help me stay sane in world that is—let’s face it—pretty nuts.

Since the book came out, many people have asked me for recommendations on how to start their own meditation practice, so I want to tell you about the best introductory course that I know of.
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