One year ago today, I published my first book, It’s Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You’re Single.

The book is based on a Modern Love column I published in 2011 about meeting my husband at 39, after spending the previous twenty years wondering what was “wrong” with me that I couldn’t find a partner (and which I recently learned is of the most popular Modern Loves in the column’s ten-year history). In the book, I take on all of the annoying reasons people tell singles they’re alone–from “you’re too needy” to “you’re too independent.”

Before my book came out, I was cranky about the idea of self-promotion–for all the usual reasons; it seemed icky and uncool. Plus, I knew there was a good chance I’d annoy people. But then I heard a smart artist named Ann Rea address this on a podcast. “Too bad,” she said. “You think your local dentist wants to market himself? He wants to be filling teeth. Same with your lawyer. She wants to be working on cases, not advertising herself. This is just what you have to do if you’re a professional.”*

Chastened, I decided to learn as much as I could about how a person can effectively market their own book without being too irritating (though I’ll let others be the judge of that last part).  Here’s some of what what I’ve learned.

1. Engage your Twitter contacts. I had a wonderful event at Trident Booksellers in Boston, as well as a feature in the Boston Globe, a review in the Globe and a Q&A on Boston.com. It all started with a single Twitter follower–a woman named Karyn Polewaczyk, who writes Boston.com’s dating blog. Before the book came out, I found Karyn on my follower list and asked if she wanted a review copy. She subsequently interviewed me for her blog, and then brought me to the attention of the Globe‘s features editor, who had the book reviewed and wrote the feature story. Karyn also introduced me to the terrific people at Trident Booksellers, where I did a Valentine’s Day reading.

I also found lots of other writers and editors following me on Twitter, who were very happy to receive a review copy. For example, the deputy editor of Cosmo follows me. After I sent her a review copy, she quickly asked if she could excerpt. The excerpt subsequently ran in many international editions of the magazine, which may have helped my publisher sell foreign-language rights to It’s Not You in six different countries (Germany, Japan, China, South Korea, Greece and Croatia).

2. Contact bookstores directly. I got readings at top independent bookstores in Los Angeles, Brooklyn and the Hudson River Valley just by calling or dropping a quick email to the events coordinator (though the Brooklyn store did need my publisher to contact them before they booked it). The only store that turned me down was the Barnes & Noble in Annapolis, Maryland (I’m guessing because the chains handle things differently, but don’t really know).

3. Develop a mailing list. This is advice I took from Tim Grahl, who runs a book marketing firm called Outthink and wrote a very helpful book called Your First 1000 Copies. He has a lot of big-deal clients like Charles Duhigg and Gretchen Rubin. I couldn’t afford to hire Grahl, but did read his book and take his free online course, which I found exceptionally helpful. One of Grahl’s key points is that Twitter and Facebook don’t sell books nearly as well as email lists because a) people see nearly all of their emails, but not tweets in their feed, and b) we own our email contacts; with Twitter and Facebook, if they decide to shut down or restrict our access we’re SOL.

To get people on your list, Grahl recommends offering free content to anyone who signs up for it–I created a free bonus chapter of my book, for example. Right now I have about 1,200 people on my list. Those aren’t earth-shattering numbers, but it is a very loyal and extremely helpful group of readers. For instance, a blogger named Beth O’Donnell replied to one of my newsletters and offered to throw me a book party in Philadelphia. She managed to get me on Good Day Philadelphia that morning, and we sold out of books at the event. Another reader, Singular City editor Kim Calvert, co-sponsored my LA reading and filled the room.

That was something interesting I learned about marketing–it’s less about “hey, look at me” (though let’s face it, there’s a lot of that) and more abut finding people who want to spread the word about your book. And while part of me would love to return to the old days when a writer could just write, I never would have met these lovely people if that were the case. It was also very satisfying to take an active role in getting the word out about my book, rather than playing the precious scribe who won’t sully herself with commerce.

From a sheer economic perspective, I do think this was worth the time. One year out, I’ve earned back my advance and my sales are steady.

Did I annoy people? Probably–maybe I’m doing it right now! But I’m sharing this because I know there are a lot of other writers and artists out there who are very confused about how to navigate this world of endless self-promotion. This is what I’ve learned so far. I’d love to know what has worked for others.

Best,

Sara

*This quote is entirely from memory so probably not accurate. But she was interviewed on a podcast called the The Good Life Project, so check it out. I also heard about Tim Grahl on a podcast called Blogcast FM, now The Unmistakable Creative, so that is a good source, too.