[writergirl]

Thanks for your post ZoeLove, I really get where you’re coming from and struggle with these feelings too. It didn’t feel like that long ago when I set the deadline of 36 to have a sperm donor baby. I turned up to the appointment and got a referral for the tests, but I couldn’t bring myself to get them done. Now I’m 36 and it feels like I’m no closer to finding a partner or having children than the moment I set that deadline, all those years ago.

Like Beachbum, I’ve decided that although I’d do a great job as a single mother, I don’t want to do it alone. I feel the same way about raising a child that’s half a stranger, not feeling connected to their history. I have friends who have done it and have no regrets, but I guess I’m an eternal optimist who hopes it will happen naturally one day soon.

Spending time around friends’ kids and my nieces and nephews is such a joy, but it’s also painful knowing I may never be anything more than an aunty. Finding out that yet another friend or sister is pregnant is so difficult, even if they understand what I’m going through. A friend who had a stillbirth said she imagined that her grief from losing a child and mine from never having the chance to have one were more similar than different. Which was a lovely thing to say, even though I don’t think they compare.

Anyway, I guess there’s nothing to do but be grateful for what I have and accept that this may be all there is for me.

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