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Hi, All!
Thanks for the encouragement and good advice. I also liked mariposa’s suggestion and decided to just text something like, “Hi! Have time for a drink or a hike this weekend?”. He responded quickly with his availability. We made a plan and now we are having an early dinner (at a really fancy resort, his suggestion) and a light hike this evening at a location known for watching the beautiful Arizona sunset. I even asked him to call me so we could figure out logistics of the hike, which he did. So, he’s not allergic to talking on the phone, just needed encouragement (ha!).
I appreciate your thoughts, too, Courtney. I’ve definitely been trying to not seem “too eager” but, you’re right. It has taken up a lot of time and mental energy.
While it’s nice to have a plan, finally, I’m also really aware of the fact that he let over two weeks go since our first date (texting the whole time but, not making concrete plans). Hard to say if he’s intentionally stringing me along, or just laid back, or…? The reality is you never really know whats going on with someone, all you can control is how what you put out there. So, I think I will see how tonite goes but, I plan to be pretty direct with him. I’ll let him know that I really value IRL time as the best way of getting to know someone and let him know that I’m interested in getting to know him. And, that in the process of getting to know someone I’d like to try to make an effort for IRL time once every week or so. If he balks, there’s my answer. Or he steps to it. Either way, this will free up my mental energy and time!
Thanks for the encouragement ladies! With more than half my friends married, it’s challenging sometimes to find people to speak to about these dating conundrums. I really appreciate the support :)
xoxo
LGM
Hello,
I’m joining the conversation late (just joined) but, yes, it is drudgery. I must have some kind of stamina, or some type of incredible drive? I was doing some math the other day, and realized in the past five years I’ve probably gone on close to 80-100 first dates (Average of 2-3 a month x however many months spent actively dating/not in a relationship…).
At times I think I have packed my dating schedule out of desperation, thinking it’s a numbers game, right? So, if I just up my numbers something will have to click (right? right?). Other times I take a casual approach, and respond to online dating messages if someone seems interesting but, don’t bother with the rest. Other times, I get completely burned out and put it on the shelf for awhile. I have also been asked out while not on online/app dating (at the grocery store, by someone I volunteered with, etc.). It always seems to be as soon as I ease into being alone, and am happy with my lot, that positive vibe is sniffed out by men who just want to mess with it (or more likely I come off as cool and comfortable and happy because I’m not event thinking about dating and guys are attracted to that).
No matter what though, I always come back to trying. And for me that means coming back to online/app dating. I take some time to myself (this has varied from 2 weeks to 8 months) but, I do always try, try again. It feels a bit like the same instinctual drive that keeps us breathing even in the hardest times.
Here’s to doing what feels best – self-care by getting out of the drudgery of dating, or diving in to the “trying”.
“For us there is only trying; the rest of it is not our business” – T.S. Eliot (pretty sure he wasn’t referencing dating when he wrote this, though) :)
I should note – he texts every few days, with thoughtful information, sharing pictures of his hikes, saying things like “I hope yoga went well,” as he knows I practice in the early morning, he’ll send it close to when I’m finishing up yoga…it’s not that he’s not being communicative. He communicates fine, just not about making a second date….
