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Being able to cope alone might not be our first choice Angel88 but it can be a stronger position than depending on others to take care of us or “rescue” us. I always liked the Audrey Hepburn quote “If you’re looking for a helping hand, it’s at the end of your arm”. I agree that it can be liberating to accept the possibility, and be fine with, possibly not finding another partner. It also means we have more room in our lives for things like friendships with both genders, engaging with the community and being more active socially etc. It can be really easy to live out of each other’s pockets when in a couple, I’ve done it myself, and that can cause loneliness even while in a couple. Glad the video helped you chase any lonely thoughts away for a while :)
I just happened to read a line on another site (called the Web of Loneliness) where a woman had a nice shift in perspective. She wrote about being in nursing school and working every weekend and feeling a bit sorry for herself until a colleague said “nobody ever said your weekends can only be on a Saturday and a Sunday – make time for self-care on other days” (paraphrasing). So yes if I like to see movie matinees during quiet weekday afternoons I can think of that as my introvert “weekend” too. I may be paying a price for not being out when others are out but since my social skills are not the best it’s maybe a hypothetical point since even if I was out people wouldn’t necessarily be falling over themselves to be my friend anyway :)
Here’s a comforting video for anyone who’s at home this Saturday night and wishing they were partnered up :-
It’s from the School of Life, created by philosopher Alain de Botton who has written some great books too.
Yesterday I saw the very fine (well, if you like that sort of film) French movie called “Things To Come” with Isabelle Huppert. Without giving too many spoilers away, she’s in late middle age and soon after the film begins she separates from her husband, and enjoys the freedom to do her own thing at last, though there are tears and lonely times too of course. She is very pragmatic about her chances of finding love and seems to put her efforts into other things that make her happy. I could very much relate to her character, I am 46 and consider myself a very nice person but I’m very plain looking and just a mature distance learning student and not employed, so if I was a betting man I’d say there’s a fair prospect I might not find another partner like my ex-fiancee again. I am coming to terms with it and I do enjoy the much reduced pressure of enjoying simple friendship with people at Meetup events either ones where we just have tea/ coffee and chat, or where we go to rock/ pop concerts together. I enjoy being able to talk with both men and women of a wider age range than might want to be friends with me outside of the meets. Things aren’t so bad, if I don’t get another partner I would use all that time saved towards my passions of reading, movies and conversation. We have so much to be grateful for, as one of my acquaintances from a Meetup group said in a message to me.
I like the freedom to do things spontaneously and not have to answer for how I am spending my time or my own money. For example later today (Saturday) I am good to see a show transferred from Broadway at the Edinburgh Festival, the play “The Glass Menagerie”. It was a decision made just today, and I didn’t have anyone saying “but you promised we’d go and look at soft furnishings together”, I just thought “I’d like to do that, I see there’s tickets left” and a couple of clicks later I had made my own decision without needing to consult with anyone. I appreciate that in a relationship it is very important to compromise and keep commitments to others, but when single it’s nice having that freedom and I try not to use my liberty to just have a sink full of dishes and watch Netflix and not go out, I like to be out and about.
