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I turned 40 in October, and aside from 2 intense/serious relationships in my life, I’ve pretty much been single.
I’m dipping my toe into online dating in 2017, and my age range will be 35 to 45. One’s age and what they want can differ for anyone. For me, I want someone who has life experience, as well as emotional maturity (which comes with life experience). That being said, someone in their 50’s is too told for me….their at a different stage in my life.
I do still want kids, which will either happen or not. Men who are in their early 40’s and still want kids will probably go for women in their early-mid thirties. When I was 35, I dated someone who was 40. I had zero problem with that.
Honestly speaking, I don’t think a 40 year old guy would want to date a 25 year old…same with even a 35 year old guy….two totally different life stages.
Hang in there and get out to activities doing whatever it is that you like. For me, it’s traveling more, going to museums, the symphony, the movies, etc.
I’m a bit late to the party here and I concur on all of these sentiments/thoughts/feelings. I have a friend of mine who’s about 5 years younger than me; we met through church and shared feelings on numerous occasions about wanting to be married with kids. In 2010, she met her future husband and flash forward 6 years later, they are now expecting their second child. How did they meet? Through a photography class. Admittedly, I Have a hard time with her telling me of her impending expecting, given this is something I have wanted my entire life….
I’ve prayed about marriage and kids for so long that i’m somewhat hopeful, but not entirely. Having just turned 40, I still hope that marriage will happen or me, but the kids thing may not. I will say that I do sometimes find myself falling into the mindset of, “it’s never happened for me before….why would it ever change?”, which is realize, is not helpful…but when one doesn’t find things ever coming to fruition, I don’t know how one changes that mindset.
My point in all of this is, as someone mentioned above, life most certainly never goes by our timelines (except in rare occasions where people do get lucky). I do believe my friend got lucky.
In the last few years especially, I am finding how to learn to live my life with acceptance or gratitude for what I do have, and still remaining hopeful, but also being realistic.
I also don’t think there’s a reason as to why people are single. Maybe in a small percentage of cases, yes, but otherwise, I swear it’s all timing.
Absolutely.
Also, I briefly saw your ask about The Law of Attraction. While I do believe there is some truth to this, I also believe that it simply comes down to timing and luck. And the trite responses we get from girlfriends who have found their partner is also similar to that line “everything happens for a reason”, of which, I am not a fan.
The Universe/God knows that we have a deep desire to be partnered…and I do believe that in time, it will come to fruition. I also believe that we have to do our part in getting out there to make it happen.
Admittedly, I do struggle with the “what if it never happens for me” scenario….but that seems to get me down very easily, so I have to go with the positive!
I also forgot to add (that if it may make you feel any better), I have a cousin who married several years ago, for the first time at 47. In many ways, she’s my inspiration that love can happen at any time – there is no time frame.
And you have not done anything wrong or made a wrong turn. I think we can all make good choices and decisions for ourselves in relationships, and sometimes it just boils down to life unfolding in its own ways.
Oh yes. My sister has been married now for 12 years. I just turned 40 and she’s 37. She also has two boys that are 6 and 3.
Yesterday, I found out a good friend of mine is pregnant for the second time (she’s 35) and another friend got engaged.
It’s super easy for me to go into somewhat of a spin when I hear of wonderful life occurrences happening for friends and family….when I’ve been yearning for such things for my own life for way too long now. I too want to get married and have a family. Moreso, I want that fantastic relationship with a guy who will stick with me through thick and thin.
When I hear of these occurrences, I have to remind myself everyone’s journey is different, but that DOES NOT make it any easier. In fact, 9 times out of 10, I have to talk myself through it so that I don’t go into the gutter emotionally. It all can be so difficult.
Lurline93 – please don’t feel bad about your age and lack of relationship history. I had a guy friend of mine get married for the first time at 41, and aside from his wife, I think he’d had one other girlfriend in college. By 23, I had only had one boyfriend in high school. I totally consider myself a late bloomer.
If you feel as though seeing a therapist may help you – go for it. I’m a huge advocate for therapy. If you attend a place of worship, that is a great place to start in looking for references. Also, your primary care physician, or possibly, someone from human resources at work can point you in a good direction.
Keep your chin up…you’re not the only one who struggles. :)
And finding happiness in that non-chosen path is definitely not easy. Trust me. I have my good days and my bad days. And it’s okay to not feel okay. We all need to acknowledge and feel exactly what we’re feeling. :)
I would like to emphasize on this post that there is not a single thing wrong with any one of us. Many authors who write about singleness will also state this. As Mandy Hale, one of my favorite authors at the moment states, “it is what it is”. We just haven’t met our other half yet. I’m a firm believer that this part of our lives is somewhat both within and outside the realm of our control. NO doubt it is absolutely painful to watch other people in our lives couple up and move on.
I turn 40 in October and aside from a one significant relationship, and a few very short-term boyfriends, I’ve spent the larger part of my life single. Is it what I wanted/expected/desired? Hell no. Do I want to live the rest of my life alone? Absolutely not. However, I’m also not placing my life on pause because of the lack of a spouse/SO….and deep down inside of time, there is optimism that my person is out there.
As BeachBum states above, I think it is really important that we are out there living our lives, doing what we want to do, traveling, art galleries, cooking classes, whatever your “Jam” is, so to speak.
I think all of us will agree that when out there dating, people who are living full active lives are vastly more appealing than those who are couch potatoes.
eldogg – I am going to respectfully disagree with you and furthermore, if more than 95% of the dating population is scared and judgmental, then those two qualities alone will keep them from a relationship.
Mariposa- i’ll be 40 in October and have had 2 significant relationships in my life (not counting high school). I dated more in my 20’s than I have in my 30’s. Bottom line, everyone’s life experience is different and I don’t think anyone can be judged. HOnesty is always the best policy, but I feel that if men and women alike cannot handle a prospective life partner’s response as to why the lack of relationship history, then that person is not for them.
