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I have been struggling with this all my life, especially as more and more friends got married and had kids. For some reason, I have found it difficult to make *close* friends who are single, like me, so I end up making friends with married folks (usually with kids). I love spending time with them, and talking with them, and there is always the caveat that if something comes up with their husband or kids or family, they’re the priority.
I have one friend that I met last year who has really been a good friend. She appreciates me and my friendship and reassures me that I’m important to her. And I believe her. The thing is, her husband is a bit (?) possessive of her time and attention, as are her children, as are her sisters. She has other things demanding her time as well. So when I feel like I am getting the short end of the stick (e.g. she doesn’t message me until after 11pm, or can’t stay long when she comes to visit), I can’t help but feel a sting. And I feel I’ve been stung so many times. I know quitting the friendship or just not putting myself in the situation where I will feel the sting is kind of throwing the baby out with the bath water and I’m not sure what else to do.
Anyone else feel this way? What do you do?
That sounds a difficult but not uncommon situation in this society which overvalues romantic relationships to the exclusion of all else. I guess you could try sticking to making friends who seem to be staying single for the long haul but that’s not an ideal solution. I guess you could still enjoy parts of the friendship but without always being the one who changes plans to accomodate your other friend otherwise resentments will build up. Take a break if need be. Remember the old warning “Don’t set yourself on fire just so someone else can keep warm”.
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