Coping with Grief

[mariposa]

My mom is approaching the end of a long battle with cancer, and I’m finding myself more and more overcome with anticipatory grief and worried about how I’m going to cope after she’s gone. Has anyone been through the loss of a parent (or another significant person in your life) while single? I know grief is a difficult process no matter what, and that it would still be very hard to go through this while in a relationship, but I feel like it’s going to be a level of loneliness a million times worse than anything I’ve ever experienced.

I have good people around me but most of them aren’t in a position to provide very much support – almost all of my family live at least a few hours away, and my friends are in the midst of a really busy stage in life, juggling careers and caring for young children. I know they will be there for me to some degree, but as people often say about grief, I think there will be a lot of support in the first few weeks and then everyone will go back to their busy lives and I’ll mostly be on my own. I’ve been seeing a counsellor, and that has helped, but I’m still really struggling with what is coming and how to get through it. Just wanted to reach out to see if anyone here might have any advice or experiences to share.

[LoneStar]

I’m so sorry Mariposa, to hear about your dying mom. That must be really tough and I imagine even harder to not feel you have the support you want or need from loved ones, especially not that of a romantic partner.

I really don’t know what to say. I’ve dealt with different grief issues alone and I understand how lonely it feels. I’ve reached out to friends before and sometimes it would have been better if I hadn’t told them at all.

If you have a super close friend, even if they’re far away, I’d say reach out to them. If they’re true blue friends they’ll be there in whatever capacity they can, even if they have children crying in the background or in the middle of something. They’ll make time. Ask. I love how Brene Brown calls it “holding space”. Give them a time frame of when you need and see when they can do it.

I’ve also found support groups to be helpful because they’re all going through a very similar experience. Most hospitals will have them for family members of cancer patients.

*hugs to you*

[Author]

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