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This is a good read if you’re in need of some post-Valentine’s Day inspiration.
http://amendo.com/breakups-breakthroughs-falling-love-single-life/
Hi mariposa
Thanks for this! I believe Sara shared this as well on her FB page? Such a heartwarming read :)
Truly, as uncomfortable and distressful the single life can be at times, there are also plenty of tender, beautiful moments that don’t get enough credit. (Which is such a pity. Do you think if people realised being alone isn’t that scary after all, they would be less likely to stay on in unfulfilling relationships?)
Do you think if people realised being alone isn’t that scary after all, they would be less likely to stay on in unfulfilling relationships?
YES.
And from the above link: “‘You have to put on an artist’s mind-set and get creative and paint a portrait of yourself alone that’s breathtaking.’…I realized that I had been following her advice without knowing it…” Same for me, except this part of my journey was not the result of a breakup but by exhaustion from wondering what was wrong with me. I’m almost at the other extreme now, where I can’t be bothered to even wait for a friend to join me for some activities.
I’m actually pretty happy as a single person, but there are days I’m not. I’m looking for someone who wants to share something, not someone who is sizing me up on a first date. In the last year or two, I’ve found that people I’ve gone out with have shown their cards very early on, and it’s been easy to tell if someone is front of me because of a fear of being alone rather than a genuine feeling of want.
Do you think if people realised being alone isn’t that scary after all, they would be less likely to stay on in unfulfilling relationships?
I think so too, both for people who stay in unhappy long-term relationships and those who float from one relationship to the next and never seem to be single for longer than a couple of months. There’s a similar link in another thread, but eHarmony did a survey in the UK recently that supports this:
And I thought this article from Psychology Today was interesting too:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/meet-catch-and-keep/201401/learning-love-not-fear-being-single
While it hasn’t always been easy to be single for a long time, this quote, in particular, has me seeing the positives in that experience: “Such settling reveals a sad paradox: those who most closely link happiness with being in a relationship may, out of a fear of being single, reduce their ability to find happiness within a romantic relationship.” I’m very grateful that I don’t fear being alone, and like Reds10 wrote about above, that’s a quality I’m looking for in a partner too. If I’m lucky enough to find that elusive long-term relationship, I know it will be on my own terms and with someone who enriches the life I have built on my own (and vice versa).
So I guess that leads to the next question, can those negative perceptions in others be changed? Will our society as a whole ever come to view singlehood through a more positive lens? I feel like things are changing, but slowly. I wonder if we’ll ever get to the point where both paths in life are equally valued.
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