Dear Sara: A few months back, I was at a friend’s party and met a guy who, it turns out, I met last year at the same friend’s party. We met very briefly and he made a great impression on me but I was feeling totally introverted and sort of scampered away from him. When we met this time, I was pretty determined to see if there was something there, and he was apparently on the same page (“I heard you talking about liking board games; we should play some time!”). So, we’ve been dating for a few weeks now and I feel ludicrously happy.

But that happiness is tainted with a sort of general relationship anxiety. I feel like that’s not spoken to very frequently–it’s like, either you’re single and going on terrible dates and making fun of them with your friends, or you’re in a relationship and things are figured out. For someone who’s been single for years, I feel this added pressure that this might be the end of the road, and I better not screw this up! So I better not be too much myself and instead parcel out my “quirks” lest he run terrified off into the night. As someone who’s not used to being in a relationship, how do I get over the intense pressure I’m putting on myself now that I’m dating a person I see a future with? — R

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