7 thoughts on “my essay has inspired a song.”

  1. Great song! I think I’ve often wondered too what’s wrong with certain men I meet…I get the feeling that most men have developed a perception that it’s a “buyers market” so to speak once both genders hit the 30s and so they no longer have to make as much of an effort to provide intelligent conversation or be sensitive or compassionate. They don’t even have to be particularly attractive since so many women are out there, deafened by the ticking of their biological clocks, desperately seeking their attention…Pleeese!! When are they going to get the message that many of us are actually single at this age *because* we have standards not because we lack them! Step up to the plate, men!

    Reply

  2. I just read your Times essay now.
    Just read your Times essay. I know lots of people have written you. It’s not just because they were alone and felt afraid to talk about it, etc. It’s also because of one of the other issues you touched on: Society blames women for being single. Men do not face that kind of scrutiny or stereotype. It’s never that women have simply had bad luck, tragedy, met lots of jerks, got into a long relationship with someone who ultimately changed or wouldn’t commit, or something else… Finding someone to spend the rest of your life with isn’t something that always snaps together, and yet, any women who takes a while to do so is criticised. Some of that come from single men who believe they are entitled to have any women they are attracted to fall in love with them, and blame all women when it doesn’t happen. (I’ve met so many guys who complain about girls being “too fat” but then turn around and say women are too picky about men.) But a lot of it is just society, plain and simple, wanting to place blame. The fact that you became a more interesting and well rounded person is a good thing, and everyone should do that. Men should look within themselves too, but it seems that no one suggests that sort of thing to single men. And this stereotype you mention about people thinking that we are all like those Sex and the City girls — or that (worse) we all WANT to be like them – or that we didn’t find someone because we were ‘focused on our careers’ – how many times will people say that if no one around them fits that stereotype? My friends all wanted someone nice, and yes, someone they were excited to be with, but it didn’t mean they had some specific list of expectations. If you don’t find someone, at least you’ve got a career to focus on, but I’ve met very few women who passed up a date or a mate because they wanted to stay late at the office or make partner. So thank you for saying it and for getting it published. Single people feel alone enough without constantly being stereotyped, as they are. By the way, I met my husband at 35 and got married at 36, so I don’t have to deal with all the criticism anymore – and yes, I know there was a lot I had to work on, but like you, those weren’t horrible things, just things that could use improvement. People who’ve gotten married have had worse issues and didn’t work on them when they should. It’s time for people to consider that when someone is single (or the other aspect, hasn’t had children ‘in time’), it’s not necessarily because they did anything wrong. Maybe they did some things right. Maybe they are just human, ya know? Looking forward to your book!

    Reply

    • “It’s time for people to consider that when someone is single (or the other aspect, hasn’t had children ‘in time’), it’s not necessarily because they did anything wrong. Maybe they did some things right.” Precisely! Thanks so much for writing, C. Sara

      Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *