‘Should I Settle?’

Dear Sara: I am a 38-year-old unemployed lady wishing to settle down with a guy who has okay financial strength and is intellectually enough for me and spiritually high. After lots of efforts, I could not get what I wanted. Then one guy of 33 years came in my life as a Facebook friend. He doesn’t like me at all and misbehaves with me all the time, but I have developed love, affection, and caring feelings for the guy. Do you think I should go to meet him, as we have not met so far? He is unwilling to meet me and shouts at me when I call and always ignores me. My brother says he is not compatible with me and I have to take lots of pain to adjust to him and his family. Do you think I should close this chapter or take a chance by meeting him? I would not have ever thought of marriage with this younger guy, but I am not able to find my kind of person after lot of efforts. Please help me. — S

Dear S: You have told me this man doesn’t like you, doesn’t treat you well and has refused to meet you in person. Yet, you say you feel love and affection for him. So to answer the first question: No, I don’t think you should meet him or try to win him over in any way. He has made very clear that he would be a terrible partner for you, so please take him at his word.

About those feelings you have for him: (more…)

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‘I’m Afraid to Get Back Out There’

Dear Sara: I have been divorced for a little over 6 years now. My daughter wants me to start dating again, which I’m very fearful of doing. I have had a few relationships since my divorce, but the last relationship left me broken and fearful of ever getting back out in the dating world again.

My relationship with this guy was on-again off-again. I fell pretty hard for him, and to be honest it was a horrible relationship. I was alienated from my family and friends, which you could say I allowed to happen only because I was so deeply in love that I couldn’t see past him. (more…)

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‘I’m Tired of Being Rejected’

Dear Sara: I am a 29-year-old single male with social awkwardness, and I’m depressed because I’m getting nowhere with women. I have met some women online, and I’m lucky to get a second date with just one of them. I take it personally, like it’s me, and have had a psychic tell me it’s because I have bad mantras so I therefore have had a doomed love life. I really want commitment, but want to know what I’m doing wrong. I don’t want any more rejection. I’m sick of being alone and depressed. Help me. — R

Dear R: First, please don’t listen to the words of a self-described psychic who tells you something so mean and disempowering. I can’t believe anyone who truly has spiritual depth or insight would say anything like that.

This psychic sounds like a fraud, and my guess is she perpetuates this particular kind of deception by reaffirming beliefs customers already have. (more…)

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Friends Want to Help You Find Love? Ask Them to Do This.

Harvard Business School might not seem like a likely place to find dating advice, but a recently published working paper has good insights for anyone wishing to perform well under pressure.

The study, which I learned about from the Science of Us blog, shows that people who receive positive feedback before undertaking a stressful task were calmer, more creative, and made a better impression than those who did not.

(more…)

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