Why Dating Is Drudgery

This topic contains 2 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  L_Gris 5 months ago.

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    A bit of a lengthy read, but here’s an interesting piece from The New Yorker.

    Looking forward to hearing your thoughts!



    I read Moira’s book. That and my own dating experiences ended up making me quit dating altogether. It is drudgery. Especially when the guy you’re “dating” disappears on you when you thought things were going well. I figured, if this is how a 32 year old man acts, I’m not interested in one.
    I would love to fall in love and find a steady boyfriend that becomes a wonderful friend and lover, who I can shower with love and attention, but that seems too difficult to find while dating. Dating is this pressure thing where you know the guy is either wasting your time or looking for the mother of his children and both things make me ugh.
    I have no idea if I will ever meet anyone. It seems quite bleak for me at the moment. I think I don’t have the personality nor the stamina dating requires. I’m way too sensitive and I end up anxious and frustrated very easily when these so called dates with men I’m interested in result in nothing.




    I’m joining the conversation late (just joined) but, yes, it is drudgery. I must have some kind of stamina, or some type of incredible drive? I was doing some math the other day, and realized in the past five years I’ve probably gone on close to 80-100 first dates (Average of 2-3 a month x however many months spent actively dating/not in a relationship…).

    At times I think I have packed my dating schedule out of desperation, thinking it’s a numbers game, right? So, if I just up my numbers something will have to click (right? right?). Other times I take a casual approach, and respond to online dating messages if someone seems interesting but, don’t bother with the rest. Other times, I get completely burned out and put it on the shelf for awhile. I have also been asked out while not on online/app dating (at the grocery store, by someone I volunteered with, etc.). It always seems to be as soon as I ease into being alone, and am happy with my lot, that positive vibe is sniffed out by men who just want to mess with it (or more likely I come off as cool and comfortable and happy because I’m not event thinking about dating and guys are attracted to that).

    No matter what though, I always come back to trying. And for me that means coming back to online/app dating. I take some time to myself (this has varied from 2 weeks to 8 months) but, I do always try, try again. It feels a bit like the same instinctual drive that keeps us breathing even in the hardest times.

    Here’s to doing what feels best – self-care by getting out of the drudgery of dating, or diving in to the “trying”.

    “For us there is only trying; the rest of it is not our business” – T.S. Eliot (pretty sure he wasn’t referencing dating when he wrote this, though) :)

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