Where does "singleness" end and "taken" begin?

It’s Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You’re Single Forums Welcome Where does "singleness" end and "taken" begin?

This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  courtney550 4 months, 3 weeks ago.

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    I was thinking about this a lot recently. I’m curious to hear each of your opinions. Where does being “single” end and being “taken” begin? Do you think it’s when you’ve talked about exclusivity? Is it when you’ve moved in together? Or gotten engaged? Or is someone truly “taken” when they’ve sealed the deal by getting married?

    This is interesting to me, because while I’ve dated one person exclusively and not actively dated other people- I still have my guard up and know the dynamic of our relationship could change. We may never end up moving in together, getting engaged, getting married, etc…

    Also, I know someone who was with his fiance for 3 years, they bought a house together, and their wedding is supposed to be tomorrow- and he called it off less than ONE WEEK beforehand!!! Obviously, this isn’t the norm and it’s incredibly devastating, but it brings about some deep thoughts.

    At what point in my life will I no longer consider myself to be truly, 100% “single” anymore?



    I think that is different for everyone. I consider someone not single when they are dating someone else. I have a friend who considers someone single up until the point they are engaged. Perhaps the most common definition is when people commit to being exclusive to each other. Sounds like that’s the stage your relationship is in. What do you think is stopping you from letting your guard down? Is your partner giving mixed signals? Are your feelings mixed for him even though your exclusive?



    Interesting question, indeed. Personally, I think single/taken are states of being in that you may be seeing someone even if you’re dating around, but if you’re mentally and emotionally invested in that person, even without exclusivity, you are taken. Your mind and heart are not truly open to someone else. Same goes for the opposite. I think people need to define that for themselves. Currently I am sort of going out with someone, but I consider myself single because I’m not invested, we’re not commited, I don’t know if we’re exclusive. Basically we haven’t even talked about any of it and frankly, at this point, I don’t feel like I want to commit to him in any way. So I am and he is single.



    Mamey2422: I agree that most people believe being “taken” is when you decide on exclusivity and invest in each other. I’ve had many experiences in the past where the lines of exclusivity seemed “blurred,” like I was more invested than the person I was seeing. Also, I’ve been in a relationship in the past where I believed we were very committed and was then blind-sided with a break-up. So my past experiences with personal relationships (family as well as romantic relationships) makes me feel very cautious about “abandonment” and things like that. This is something I’m working on though.

    Angel88: I agree that a lot of being “taken” depends on the amount of investment in the relationship. Sometimes this takes time and maybe over time people begin to invest more and more and being “taken” happens organically.

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