The hardest part

This topic contains 3 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by  eldogg 1 year, 1 month ago.

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  • #1273

    LoneStar
    Participant

    A lot of really great points were main in the “children” thread that I feel deserved a thread of their own. So here it is.

    Someone mentioned hating hearing marrieds complain about their husbands and/or kids. YES, OMG! It’s one thing for a married to tell her single friend about legitimate problems she may be having in her marriage, for advice or for empathy or whatever. And it’s a completely other thing when they complain about the responsibilities that come with marriage. I’ve had marrieds tell me I’m so lucky because I don’t have to cook for anyone else/worry about what to cook or that I get the bed all to myself. Wow! Part of me wants to say “Hey, you can get your own bed. It’s called divorce.” Seriously, as someone mentioned, they wouldn’t trader their life for mine for anything.

    Another person (or maybe same one, lol) mentioned how hard it is to be around marrieds/moms, how almost all their friends are married and how they find themselves isolating themselves. I’ve been feeling this way more and more as more and more of my single friends either move away or get engaged/married. It feels like being the last one picked at gym class, lol. I don’t know how to balance anting to be around my friends (the closest of whom are married) and be reminded of my singleness or be alone…and be reminded of my singleness.

    One of the hardest parts is that, out of all the single people that I know in my locale, I am the oldest. And all the other ones I know who may be closer to my age have someone they can relate to, someone in their family or whatever who is going through the same thing. I am finding it harder and harder to come home to an empty apartment while everyone has someone to come home to (even if it’s not a husband).

    I know there are other single women who live alone but either they are not in the same age range as me or have someone else in the same boat as them. It’s hard being the odd one out.

    Thanks Sara for having this group for us to “meet”!

    #1276

    beachbum
    Participant

    Has anyone seen the movie “Bad Moms” with Mila Kunis which came out recently? I was invited to see it with a group of ladies. All of them are mothers except for me. Anyway, the movie had a lot of funny moments, but boy did it play into some awful stereotypes.

    I have to say it is really difficult hearing these women I hang out with complain about their husband and children. Here are some comments from the women I went to see that movie with:

    — “My husband cooks dinner almost every night and I can’t stand what he makes” — elicited no sympathy from any of the other women
    — “You’re so lucky you don’t have someone you have to cook for” — directed towards me
    — “Ugh, my three year old woke me and my husband up so early by crawling into bed with us. See what you’re missing out on?” — an attempt at humor to make me realize having kids isn’t all that great, I guess.
    — “My mother tells me I’m lucky I married such a great guy. I told her it’s not luck, I just made good choices.” –felt like a stab in the heart to me

    The thing is, I know none of these comments are purposefully hurtful, so I take them all with a grain of salt. But it does really make me realize how I want to hang out with women who are a little more sensitive. Believe me, I would love to cook for a man again. I miss it with all my heart. The women who complain about their husbands snoring — I used to take comfort in my ex’s snoring and fall asleep to it. And good God if my three year old woke up and my husband and I early to crawl into bed with us, my heart would explode. I wake up early naturally anyway every morning because my mind is so troubled by loneliness lately.

    #1279

    LoneStar
    Participant

    I’m so sorry that your friends said that to you, beacbum. They were really insensitive and unempathetic. Sara wrote an article about married people being smug that touches on how married people don’t want to admit it’s luck for a few reasons.

    I hate complaining; it’s one of my pet peeves (and I have to catch myself when I do it, to). I’ve feel like complaining to be one of the worst things we can do; it’s (IMO) looking negatively and not appreciating the blessings we have. There are those wall hangings that say things like “thank God for dirty dishes; they area sign we have plenty of food to eat.”

    I think part of it comes from getting things so easily vs working and waiting for them. I remember a post on fb about someone who was frustrated about her crying baby remembering back to when the baby was born and didn’t cry and she prayed so hard for it to do so. Those of us who have been single for so long understand the worth of a spouse or kids. Sara mentions in her book that years of loneliness made her appreciate her husband that much more.

    I know someone mentioned that romantic relationships offer something that one cannot get from any other relationship and that’s what’s really been getting me down lately. I’m craving that kind of intimacy and companionship that is only obtained through a romantic partner and it’s really been hard watching everyone couple off while I stay super duper single.

    #1282

    eldogg
    Participant

    This is one of the hardest parts about being single. I think I’ve lost multiple sets of friends that I loved dearly multiple times in my life because they got married and I remained single. I’m grateful that for the past several years, I’ve had 3 good high-quality single male friends that I’ve been able to hang out with. We generally don’t have these kinds of discussions (obviously) because we’re all single.

    Eventually, though, you are confronted with these types of things. What about weddings? Ugh. Walking down the street and seeing a couple with two little children all walking arm in arm, knowing that I will never know that feeling. I got a complaint from a married female friend a few weeks ago that she is stressed because she has to put two kids through college now. I get it. Life, whether you are single or not, always presents stress. I try my best to be empathetic. But it does make me sad.

    The only advice I can give is to try to seek out making single friends and spend most of your time with them.

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