Alternatives to online dating?

It’s Not You: 27 (Wrong) Reasons You’re Single Forums Welcome Alternatives to online dating?

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  • #1297
    mariposa
    Participant

    Talimeirav’s thread on taking a break from online dating inspired me to start this one about ideas for meeting people in other ways. I’m someone who doesn’t love online dating, but I haven’t had a lot of luck meeting new people in my day to day life. I work in a very female-dominated profession, my friends are in a stage of life where socializing often just means girls night at someone’s house (fun but not great if you want to meet new people!), and my hobbies tend to be things that attract more women than men. I’ve heard good things about meetup.com, but I live in a smaller city and haven’t really found a group that I connect with yet. I know we’re all single and still looking (so maybe this isn’t quite the right place to be asking this quesiton!), but are there places or activities where you’ve had some success meeting potential partners outside of online dating?

    #1299
    eldogg
    Participant

    Hard for me to relate to opportunities in a smaller city because I’m in the greater NYC area. Also, I think it is highly dependent upon age group. I have heard it suggested that women should put themselves into situations where you might find other men around. Examples … Home Depot or the men’s dept at Macys maybe? The gym might be another potential place. Maybe it is time for a new hobby? Also, in the NYC area, they have these things like paint nights, sculpture nights, cooking sessions, game nights, etc. Another possibility might be events at a Church or temple – you often don’t have to be religious to attend them. Even hanging around a park on a Sunday afternoon on a nice day. What about dog parks or places where a guy might be walking his dog?

    #1300
    beachbum
    Participant

    I used to go through phases where I would make lists of potential places where I could meet men. Yes, Home Depot was on the list. But I realized it’s all BS. I should only be hanging out at Home Depot if I truly want to buy home improvement items. I just started to feel exhausted because I forced myself to go places and do things I wouldn’t ordinarily want to do.

    Anyway, the list of places you could go is endless. What matters most is your mindset and willingness to talk to new people. I would say that I have had luck with speed dating, singles events (although be prepared for women to outnumber men), parties and bars.

    #1301
    mamey2422
    Participant

    mariposa, I would recommend meetup. It is a great way to meet like-minded people of any gender. Even if you don’t meet an eligible romantic partner, you never know who they might know who could also be single. You can also start your own meetup if you don’t find one that suits you.

    #1302
    eldogg
    Participant

    Good point, beachbum. I don’t think anyone is suggesting that you just go do things that are completely outside your boundaries (although to push your boundaries a little bit I think is always good). To go to Home Depot every day just to hang out would be a little ridiculous. But to go to Home Depot when you need new light bulbs or some fertilizer or some paint or some decorative advice … is certainly within reason. Again, it all goes back to what kind of effort you are willing to put in, the level of ambivalence you feel, and how much you are willing to push yourself.

    What I’m trying to say is what kinds of activities you engage in should always be driven primarily by your likes and dislikes. But sometimes, you have to push yourself and yes sometimes … you even have to go out of your way a little bit to find reasons to do something a little different.

    Do you think I would normally be going out of my way to paint? To sculpt? To cook? No, but these are examples of things that I might say to myself … why not just give it a try, I’ll probably enjoy it and you never know who you might meet. Another example? Whenver I meet my friends for dinner, I always go at least 30-45 mins early and go have a drink at the bar. Sometimes they join me, sometimes they don’t. Do I do this because I love alcohol? No. I do it to be social, because it’s nice sometimes to settle in to dinner after having had a drink, and because you just never know who else is going to be at the bar.

    #1306
    mariposa
    Participant

    Thank you for the suggestions everyone. They’re great. I really like the dog park idea. I don’t have a dog, but there’s a dog park with trails pretty close to my house, so I’m going to start walking there sometimes. I can’t believe I didn’t think of that one before! Thanks eldogg. :)

    I’ve done paint nights, cooking workshops, yoga, running clubs, and singles events but it seems like everything I sign up for is 95% women. So not impossible to meet someone but definitely not the greatest odds (although good for trying to meet new friends and that has value too). And beachbum, I totally agree that going places and doing things that you wouldn’t normally want to do just for the purpose of trying to meet someone is exhausting. I’ve done that too and it just made me feel resentful. I guess it’s about putting effort in in ways that still allow for staying true to yourself and your interests, and being open to the possibility of reaching out and making those connections in whatever it is that you happen to be doing.

    #1307
    mariposa
    Participant

    For beachbum and others who have tried speed dating, how did you find it? I’ve thought about giving it a try but haven’t yet.

    • This reply was modified 7 years, 7 months ago by mariposa.
    #1312
    beachbum
    Participant

    In my experience, it’s pretty much exactly as they show it movies. You talk to a person for approximately seven minutes and move on to the next until you’ve met every person of the opposite sex in the room. Most of the people won’t be a good match for you, but if there’s 1 or 2 who you like it’s worth it. I’ve been speed dating a few times over the years and have always gotten 1-2 real dates out of it each time. It’s more efficient than online dating because you can see if there’s chemistry in that 7 minute conversation.

    #1313
    Anonymous
    Inactive

    A comment about Meetups.
    My preference is to go to the ones I am truly interested in and to steer clear of anything with ‘singles’ in the title. I went to one of those and the atmosphere was fraught to say the least.
    Best wishes

    #1315
    mariposa
    Participant

    Thanks beachbum and Savvygirl. I haven’t had much luck with singles events either, but speed dating sounds like it might be a better option, both for its structure and for its balance between genders. Glad to hear you had a positive experience beachbum!

    #1316
    eldogg
    Participant

    I agree with Savvygirl. I have generally found that anything labeled “Singles” tends to attract people that are not the kinds of people that I want to mingle with. Find things to do and places to go that are not “singles events” but that tend to attract a lot of single people.

    #1321
    icanrel8
    Participant

    I agree with mamey and savvygirl regarding Meetup. I am active in a few meetup groups locally, but I rarely go to the “singles” or “dating” groups. I tried them, but prefer meeting people who share my interests. Volunteering groups (some areas have some specific to age groups, like young professionals) can also be good, if you enjoy volunteering. I have tried It’s Just Lunch (if you don’t mind a very expensive lunch AND not having much say in who you date) and Tawkify (at the time they said they had no matches…I am in the DC metro area..really???). The match.com live events can be good, and at least you get an identified age range (one of the guys I met at one shared that he is not a member of match but just goes to the live events…). I’ve been to the speed dating events, and as another poster said, you’re going to get a wide range (the one I went to had folks from mid 20s to mid 60s). I am a bit of an introvert so I found my mouth very dry and my head spinning by the end of the 90 minutes!!! The one I went to, you went to a website afterward and indicated your interest, so that took some of the pressure off wondering if there was mutual interest. Funny thing, I ended up meeting someone at the bar, waiting for the event to start (they were not there for the event, just the most chatty person in my vicinity). Just goes to show you…

    #1369
    SingingSteph
    Participant

    I went to one speed dating event and met two guys at it, one of whom I ended up going on several dates with before realizing we weren’t right for each other. I prefer it to online dating in that it enables you to determine pretty quickly whether someone is even a little bit intriguing to you or not; there’s just nothing better than meeting in-person to determine chemistry. Mostly, not. I met 22 guys and only liked 3 of them. It was an intense two hours, but well worth the time.

    #1370
    mariposa
    Participant

    Thanks SingingSteph. That’s such a great point about chemistry and figuring that out right away. So good to hear these positive experiences!

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